You probably think that with the approaching Rapture, this is exactly the wrong time to shop for self storage. After all, you’re not going to need anything where you’re going! But what if you, like 97% of the people on earth, don’t end up vanishing at 6PM tomorrow? If you end up Left Behind you’re going to need more storage than you ever imagined because there’s going to be great stuff left behind with you! New clothes! Canned goods! Televisions! Way more stuff than you can fit in your house. So after you head over to Storitz.com to rent a large storage unit for all your post-rapture, come back to check out our list of how to prepare for post-Rapture looting.
- Start tracking down believers who wear the same shoe size as you. Yes, they’ll get to spend eternity with their lord & savior but you’ll get a new pair of Louboutins.
- Listen to Britney Spears’ ‘Til the World Ends on repeat. Dance. Watch the video a few times, too and start tearing holes in some of your clothes so you’ll fit in after the end of days.
- Have you been eyeing your neighbor’s apartment? The one with the balcony and the view of the pool? There’s still time to convince them to repent so you can move in. If they already have a DirectTV satellite hooked up, so much the better.
- Everyone knows that dogs, cats and other animals can’t get raptured. This is good news if you’re going to be left behind, so why not get started on teaching Chairman Meow something useful, like how to retrieve difficult to reach jars of caviar from tall shelves.
- Don’t forget to RSVP for the Post-Rapture Looting on facebook. And while you’re at it, Like Us!
Good luck! See you Monday maybe!
PS: have you guys ever heard of the band The Rapture? Pretty danceable!